Lindsey Vonn Gets in on Feet Pics!

Lindsey Vonn, the legendary alpine ski racer, Olympic gold medalist, and noted destroyer of ACLs, has announced that she's coming out of retirement—again.

This time, it's not for medals on the slopes. It's not for glory. It's not even for Red Bull endorsement checks. It's to prove one thing: she is not an old lady, no matter what her knees—or her birth certificate—say.

Clearly, tired of people asking if she gets the senior discount at Aspen, so she's brought out her ski boot imprinted feet by the pool. Suns out toes are out!

The sole survivor of the downhill has pivoted to the feet freak economy, posting tasteful ski feet on social media with captions like

She isn't being obvious that this is a test the waters to see if there's a new revenue stream, one that appeals to her freakish fans and her own feeling desired needs.

We just know it's a step in that direction. Her boots may have been made for racing, but her feet were made for monetization.

You may be wondering: why feet? Why not launch a line of protein powder or start a podcast like every other retired athlete trying to avoid irrelevance.

Because feet are recession-proof.

According to sources close to the situation, some guy named Brad who runs the lift at her ski hill, Vonn has also filed paperwork to trademark the phrase “OnlySkiFeetFans”—a hybrid subscription platform where subscribers get both ski tips and toe tips. Premium members even get POV shots from inside her ski boots. Allegedly.